Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
