Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
