I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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