You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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