Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
