good thing vaginas are great cup holders
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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