dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
