I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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