I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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