I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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