I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
