6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i dont even know how to be here
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
