Screwed.edu
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
