I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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