I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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