I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
They took my balls.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
