You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
