I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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