on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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