Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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