so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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