Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
