Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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