Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize