my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
