Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Someone shit on the floor
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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