New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
