found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
