We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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