I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
