She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
