I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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