Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
