he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
