Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm passing your future prison.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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