I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
