"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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