So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
