Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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