She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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