dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night