Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.