that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
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i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank