I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
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I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.