In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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