i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
babies were throwing up all over the place
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
