I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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