The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
