Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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