you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Randomize
