I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
