I'm pants shitting drunk right now
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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