Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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