ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
