I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
