Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
