her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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