she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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