I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
