I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize