Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
