Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
