I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
