You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
