I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
We need to rekindle our bromance
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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