I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
