i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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