I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
