There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
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