All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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