I bet he comes in French.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
