Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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