so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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